Facetiouscreature's Blog

*previously created 09/12/10 

Good day, welcome back!!We found out in June that we are expecting. This exciting news came to us only months after talking about starting a family. Both my husband and I were excited. He more so than me. I had always wanted to be happy and free of stress when I envisioned finding out I was pregnant. Instead, I stared at the little test squares confused as I looked at the results. I mean the + sign came through with a faint horizontal line and a big bold vertical line. “Was I reading this correctly?” was all I could think.
I told my husband over the phone while he was working. He asked if I was sure, and I said almost certainly YES, but I planned to take another test that afternoon at work. I then called my mother to inform her as he called his to let her in on the news as well. Of the three tests I took that day, all came back with immediate results of a baby on the way. So, I scheduled a visit with my doctor.
A week or so later and we have images on paper proving there is indeed life inside me. It is truly amazing the images produced so early in pregnancy-you build so much excitement up and we had a very hard time keeping it a secret. Almost all of our family and co-workers were given the news. Everyone around us was excited for us.
With my weeks flying by, I had wonderful bouts of “morning” sickness-primarily in the late morning or early afternoon. Once I got into my second trimester-my sickness grew more frequent. It was nothing that I would say is terrible. I always had a window of time that I knew it was going to happen.
I came upon my 15th week and ended a three day quest for some delicious gyros. Almost immediately after settling my taste for gyros I knew something was not right. I started to bleed, or spot. (may be TMI, but needs to be mentioned) This is not typical in the second trimester. I tried to remain calm-but having read almost entirely through What to Expect When You’re Expecting and Mayo Clinic’s Healthy Pregnancy I suspected problems. I let my husband know and called my mother. She confirmed that I should contact the doctor.
My doctor’s office had closed hours before so I had to call the emergency on call physician. She called me back and explained that my placenta could be sitting too low to the opening of the cervix and this could cause some bleeding. She scheduled an early morning visit to the hospital and told me if the situation go worse to call back and head to the ER, but most of all to rest and remain calm.
The visit the next day confirmed that the placenta is in fact laying very low and covering the opening. I have Placenta Previa. I also had scarring from a previous cervical surgery that had separation and may have been the cause of the bleeding. We can only monitor the situation and see if it corrects itself. Extreme cases of previa can result is the loss of the baby, the mother, or in some cases both. I did find information, however, supporting the idea that 90% of previa cases diagnosed before the 20th week of pregnancy correct themselves and lead to no labor issues. Most previa cases need to be delivered early and by Cesarean.
Now-this is where I am currently. Today marks week 17. I have seen and heard my baby. I have yet to feel anything I would classify as movement. I feel calm for the most part, but I still hold on to some concern. I have always been a defensive pessimist, but I feel better preparing my self for any situation. I have not by any means, lost hope in the strength of me and my baby. I feel that it is reasonable to have concern and should not have to be ashamed that I am concerned. Isn’t that part of a mothers job? Don’t they always wish and hope for the best for their children?
As of late, I feel that I cannot express my concerns to anyone in my family or friends. I was already given a small lecture from my mother about worrying too much. I also don’t want to bother my easygoing husband with my concerns. I know this is not right. I should have a strong network of support-people that will listen and not criticize. People that will give me the opportunity to speak my thoughts. I don’t want to be told that I should not worry, or that everything will be all right. THAT IS my ultimate hope as well. i want to be best prepared and enjoy my pregnancy-which to date I have.
So I turn to my blog. After almost five months, I want to inform my few readers of my concerns and situation. I have prayers, family, and friends that all wish the best. I have an intense connection with my child already. I don’t know that this is normal. I have few friends that are parents and don’t feel comfortable talking to those who aren’t. I am sure they are sick of hearing about my pregnancy already and we aren’t even halfway through it yet.
So thank you readers! Thank you for giving me an open environment to vent and share. I appreciate you. I am hopeful that I will be creating more entries in the future. Sorry to leave you hanging for so long.
—-Ambrosia’s tale is not over. It will continue 🙂 Please review if you aren’t aware.
Till next time. BE GOOD, BE TRUE, BE REAL

Ambrosia was about to undertake one of her biggest challenges to date: a trial. Speaking out was only the start of things. Now, more people than ever know about pieces of her past, but no one can truly help her on this journey. She has to retell her story again and again. To strangers, lawyers, doctors, family and a few friends. She is quite vague with the information people learn. It is almost as if you have to receive your trustworthy badge before she offers up the information. If you are family-you may learn that it happened for six years or more. If you are friends you learn that and maybe the fact that sometimes you get creeped out by men that look like Tera. If you are part of the justice system you require everything. You want the ugly details. You aren’t polite with your questions. There is no vagueness to be had. You have a job to do and a silly teenager isn’t going to waste your time with her embarrassment-after all you are her to help and someday she’ll realize this.

So Ambrosia begins the next chapter in her double life. At school she shows excitement about graduation and apathy toward the typical everyday tasks. Once her day at school is over, she acts as if nothing is wrong until she is alone. That’s when she has an opportunity to think or not think about the mess of her life. Sometimes she just wanted to cry and be left alone. Others she welcomed any ridiculous distraction.

Since the visit to Officer Soter she has been ordered to the doctors for her first OB/GYN appointment. This can be a difficult visit for a young girl under normal circumstances, but she had to go to ensure her own health was not compromised when Tera won his game. Oh, what a stress this was. Doctors can try to comfort you, but they are always very textbook and cold. She survived the visit with minimal embarrassment and thankfully no issues.

Then the next hurdle was talking to her new lawyer. Ambrosia was a minor and now a witness to the state. Everything she said was documented by everyone. Her lawyer released the information that there was now a detective following her to see what kind of “dirt“ the other side could find on her. So she was instructed to be careful. Ambrosia had nothing to be concerned about. Never in trouble and always working left little time to be a teen. Her lawyer also mentions that they have heard of her mother talking to both sides defense and prosecution and conversation with her should be limited. After the interrogation at the police station Ambrosia was hardly fazed by this discovery. She has learned you can never really trust the people in your life. Conversation with her mother had already been at a minimum. There had been no questions-little conversation at all.

After two meetings with her lawyer Ambrosia learned that the grand jury had set a trial unless Tera came to his senses and took a plea bargain. In order for this to happen he would have to admit guilt, and they don’t see that happening. The trial date would be set for months down the road. For now she was permitted to move on with life as “normal”. Ambrosia had lost sight of that, but did the best she could. Graduation was three weeks away.

Graduation came and went, and Ambrosia was now enrolled in her first semester at the local college. She wasn’t doing horrible, but her acquired habit of not completing homework proved to be a bit more of an issue in college. She began setting time aside the moment she came home from school. This was going well, her English professor especially liked her writing. For their Final Exam they had been assigned a paper about themselves. She had been working with her professor to shed light on her childhood and present it to the class. She was eager to work on it and get confidence talking about it until that one day. The day she came home to a sheet of paper taped to the door. It looked like an eviction notice she had seen before. She grabbed it on the way in the door and it was a letter from the city. Her trial would be the week of her final exam. What horrible timing the courts had. First they took the glamour away from graduation with a forced visit to the “grand jury” Now, she was experiencing the stresses of college life and her first final and she would now have to go to COURT.

Everyone was subpoenaed. Mom, Sophia, and of course Ambrosia. Ambrosia sat in the witness room with a stranger the whole time. This was supposed to protect her and keep her calm, but it was nothing but awkward. Ambrosia heard of everything from everyone else. Her sister told her some of the things that Tera had been saying. Things that made no sense to be saying when you were on trial for gross sexual imposition. Tera shouldn’t tell them how Ambrosia might have confused his statements of “her nest isn’t even feathered yet” and his talk of her sister in her yellow bikini were not meant to be sexual references. According to those around her he seemed to be making his case worse.

At the end of the first day of court Ambrosia learned that they lost a juror due to illness and if they lost one more juror, they would have to reschedule the trial. This nightmare seems to be never ending. Tomorrow was her day to take the stand. Strangely she was not nervous about it. Ambrosia had talked to so many about it now and they had gone over questions it seemed like it would be simple.

The following day proved her wrong. As she took the stand Tera peered down the long table at her. His eyes burning into her every second. His lawyer started questions first. He asked embarrassing questions. It was his job. He asked Ambrosia questions in such a condescending tone that it confused her. It shook her to the core. She didn’t expect it to be this difficult. Her own lawyer had not prepared her for this. She began to cry, but had to continue to voice her responses. She looked out to the jury and noticed a man in the front row with his head down. He had his head in his hands and was shaking it back and forth. Ambrosia began to feel they didn’t believe her and Tera was going to get away with it. EVERYONE around would label her a liar. She was not lying. What could she do to convince them? Nothing. All she could do was tell her story. She got through the questions from the defense attorney and then her own attorney. Her attorney was much easier. That portion was just as it had gone in the rehearsals. The same path of questions back and forth. No surprises. She could have been on the stand for 35 minutes but it felt like an hour. She was escorted back to her little room to wait for the rest to talk.

At the conclusion of the second day of trial Ambrosia’s lawyer learned that the male juror in the front row happened to recognize two witnesses that day. Sophia being the first, and Ambrosia the second. He would need to be removed. He was Ambrosia’s seventh grade reading teacher. They now had no room for error. Everyone had to remain healthy and get through the last witness Tera. Tera was to finish his questioning tomorrow and then sentencing would commence.

Sentencing was about to start. Ambrosia did not know what any other witness may have said to the court or if the judge and jury may even come to the correct conclusion. As she waited in the witness room her lawyer asked if she had anything she wanted to say to Tera before the verdict. She didn’t even know this was a possibility. Ambrosia did not prepare for that. If she had, she would tell him that she does not forgive, and doesn’t ever plan to. He took a piece of her away that she will never get back and did it all through a way he claimed to love her. That his actions and the longevity of them were the biggest evil she knew of first hand, and she would spend a number of years fighting to find the good in people. The manipulation and pain he forced onto a child should never have been or again witnessed. All this and more may have been said IF Ambrosia knew she was going to be offered an opportunity to speak. She did not know this. She also could not stand to look him in the face. She couldn’t bear to think of his smug smile as he laughed with the jurors and lawyer. So she declined the opportunity.

She walked into the courtroom to hear the verdict. Offered a last chance to speak she again begins a silence. Her mother stands to her right. Her mother holds her hand. It was meant to be in support. A few thoughts raced through Ambrosia. She believes me now. She believes me now and she wants me to know. All Ambrosia heard was “four years”. FOUR YEARS! That is less than the amount of time Tera’s games lasted. Insult came when the word concurrent  came out of the judges mouth. This is what we call “justice”. Ambrosia would beg to differ. Ambrosia is confused by the sentencing, but the state seems happy. Tera will now have to file as a sexual offender for years to come. That’s just a start. Ambrosia’s healing should start here.

Ambrosia was now seventeen. In two months she would have her eighteenth birthday. She now has a boyfriend. They have been dating for nearly two years. Ambrosia was with him in all her free time. Outside of work and school, it was always the two of them. Speaking of school, Ambrosia has been doing very well. Although her habit of not completing her home studies, she was a brilliant test taker. With graduation approaching, stress levels were on the rise.

It’s Valentine’s Day-Ambrosia’s mother comes to her and says that they officers are looking for her. Ambrosia may have done some bad things, but nothing against the law. Ambrosia’s mother accuses Sophia of committing a crime, and then using Ambrosia’s name once she is caught. Either way-Ambrosia had to meet with the officers this afternoon.

Nervous beyond belief-Ambrosia walked into Officer Soter’s chamber. He asked that Ambrosia’s mother wait outside. As the door closed, Officer Soter talks calmly to Ambrosia. He asks if she knows of a man named “Terance”. Her pulse quickens, she says “yes”. Officer Soter explains that they have information that he may have molested Ambrosia. Ambrosia looks down and begins to cry. She is ashamed, scared, and unsure what to do next so she asks for her mother to rejoin them. After her mother is seated to her left, the questions start again.

Do you know a man named Terance or “Tera”?
-Yes
Did he ever touch you or have physical contact with you of a sexual nature?
-Yes

As Officer Soter looks back to his notes, Ambrosia’s mother interrupts the questioning. She looks to Ambrosia, then back to Officer Soter and proceeds to break Ambrosia’s heart. She says “No, she’s confused, that didn’t happen.” Ambrosia had never felt such a sharp pain in her heart. She looked to her mother, but was quickly escorted from the room. Outside the chambers, she heard Officer Soter explain to her mother that he believes Ambrosia knows what she speak about. He has information supporting her story, and he had no doubt, by Ambrosia’s reaction that she is not confused. Then her mother began to speak. Ambrosia could not hear anything. She was left to ponder why her mother would say such a thing. After all, Ambrosia told her about Tera nearly three years ago. Why would she doubt her now? Then it hit her. Ambrosia’s mother never believed her. Why else would she respond this way?

Her mother steps out of Officer Soter’s chamber and they leave the officers. Amazed by her mothers betrayal, Ambrosia asked “What do you mean I’m confused? I told you about this.” Her mother looked back at her and says that she thinks that there may have been abuse, just not by Tera. Even more confused, Ambrosia demands more. Her mother explains that her real father was a pedophile. Proving her naivety she asks, “What’s that?” Her mother explains it to her. Ambrosia insists she knows it was Tera. “My father was out of my life when I was two, I am not confused.” Her mother than tells her how Tera looks very similar to her real father, in fact that’s how she had met him. He was at a tavern and someone confused him for her real father. To complicate matters, her mother explains that Ambrosia’s father did things to her oldest sister and she believes that is what Ambrosia is recalling. Her world starts to spin. It’s like a downward spiral pulling her back into her memories. Then her mother tells her that she wants her to talk to her sister. Embarrassed, but destined to prove she’s right, Ambrosia agrees.

Angry and hurt, Ambrosia heads home with her mother. She cannot believe that she is going to have to tell her sister. Why would her mother embarrass her this way? Her mother speaks to her sister and apparently gets her up to speed, then it’s Ambrosia’s turn. Her oldest sister speaks to her in a curious way. She can sense Ambrosia is upset. She gets her to recall the events. It is sickening the way the memories flood back to Ambrosia. It is almost dreamlike-she sees herself and Tera. She can see it from both her eyes and an observers eyes. She recalls things in the room. The decorations on the bed, what he was wearing, the drapes on the window. She sees every little detail. The card stuck to the lampshade, the dressers, the carpet, the bedspread. It’s all too much. Her sister determines she is not confused and speaks to their mother again. Ambrosia wants to be left alone now. She continues on to her chores.

Ambrosia’s mother doesn’t seem to mention the conversation she had with her sister at all. She doesn’t ask questions about Tera. She doesn’t seem to do anything. Is this because she is amazed that she didn’t see it happening? Is she ashamed that this has now happened to two of her three daughters, right under her nose? How can she not seem to care?

As the days go by, Ambrosia has to harden her shell. She determines that the only person that knew her secret was Sophia. Sophia failed as a friend. She asks Sophia why she went to the officers, and Sophia denies going. She denies for weeks. Ambrosia begins to hate her. Then Sophia calls upon Ambrosia one day and explains that the officers came to Sophia and her mother and asked questions about another girl they went to school with. They only told the officers because they care for Ambrosia. While they asked Sophia’s mother if Sophia had ever mentioned anything about this other girl, her mother said “No, the only one I knew about was Ambrosia.” That statement was the beginning of Ambrosia becoming a slave to her past. Tera had been out of her life for five years now. Sure, every once and a while she may have thought about her dark secrets, but not like she is forced to now. These days, its impossible to keep her mind free of it. There is no focus on what is supposed to be a happy time of life. Graduation seems like a faint memory compared to what was happening.

Ambrosia’s best friend betrayed her. Her mother ultimately accepts her story as truth only after hearing it from another person. Others in Ambrosia’s life start saying things like “I could tell something like this had happened to you” and “You were always so shy”. These statements proved that even though people may care about you, they never seem to step up and help. What would have happened if any of these people would have “cared” years ago when it might have made a difference? Could the six years of twisted love and mind games have ended? IF these people cared, they could have done something earlier. Sophia could have said something years earlier-she only cares now because Ambrosia knows she could not keep the secret. Ambrosia vows to never speak to Sophia again.

Ambrosia’s mother was a different story. Could you imagine the deception and betrayal Ambrosia felt knowing her mother did not believe her? How could her mother not look back on past events and put the clues together. Every night Ambrosia would ask why she never came to the bed. Every morning for years Ambrosia complained of pains. Why didn’t she ever ask why Ambrosia never stayed home with Tera to complete her school work? How did she not see the drastic improvement in school once Tera exited their lives? Ambrosia tried to leave the clues for her mother, but her mother never gathered them. The time that Tera threw the wet rag at Ambrosia’s face in front of her mother to teach her what “precipitation” was. The numerous times the schoolmasters would ask for a conference with her mother to determine if there were any home issues. Why did she not open her eyes?

These next few months would be horrible reminders of the past. Ambrosia could not move forward. She learned of having to talk to a jury of peers called a “grand jury”, retelling her story to lawyers and officers, and worse in a court of law. Everyone spoke of how the system would bring justice, but to Ambrosia this was all just a way to keep her a prisoner to her past. Shackled to a troubled childhood, one she so desperately wanted to forget.